Principle: Decency is not weakness. It is discipline.
Decency is what you do when you're tired, stressed, right, and tempted to be sharp.
It is not a personality trait. It is a choice you make in specific moments.
What This Lesson Is (And Isn't)
- Decency is not pretending you're happy.
- Decency is not letting people walk on you.
- Decency is not silence.
- Decency is keeping your nervous system from turning into someone else's problem.
The Failure Mode: Justified Sharpness
When stress rises, perspective shrinks.
Empathy is often the first thing we drop.
You will feel justified:
- "They started it."
- "I'm the one doing everything."
- "They should know better."
- "I'm right."
Those feelings are real, but they are not a license to be cruel.
The 10-Second Decency Checklist
Before you speak:
1. Is this necessary?
2. Is this true?
3. Is this kind enough to be heard?
4. Is my tone about the issue, or about my mood?
If you can't answer, delay. (See: *The Pause Before You React*.)
In The Wild (Examples)
Cashier made a mistake:
- Not decent: "Are you even paying attention?"
- Decent: "Hey, I think this rang up twice. Can we fix it?"
Someone cuts you off in traffic:
- Not decent: chase, honk, punish.
- Decent: create space, reset your breath, move on.
Partner forgets something:
- Not decent: "You never listen."
- Decent: "I'm frustrated. Can we solve this together?"
Scripts (Words That Work)
Use short sentences. Don't perform.
- "I'm not okay with that. Let's reset."
- "I'm heated. Give me a minute."
- "I might be wrong. Help me understand."
- "That came out sharp. I'm sorry. Let me try again."
The Practice (This Week)
- Do one small act of generosity each day.
- Choose the moment where you feel justified being harsh, and do the decent thing instead.
- Apologize quickly when you miss.
Reflection (Optional)
Where do you excuse being sharp because you're tired?